i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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