Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
