Swine flu. Run for my life!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
