I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
