I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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