I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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