So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
