Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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