quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
