i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
