i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
