I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
