I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
