Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
