I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
