see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
