If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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