All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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