She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
