ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so let's talk penis.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
