how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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