I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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