note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
