I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
