YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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