You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
