I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
