OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
