just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
