I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
