drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
