Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm really busy with my period
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