Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And then my night got REAL pukey
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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