Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
