she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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