Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
