but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
