i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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