I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
