God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
