1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
