My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
