i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't want my vagina anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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