our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
