I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
