K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
