Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry about my life...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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