If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
