You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
