I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
